


Never Your Fault

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 09:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18914542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: When a colleague dies, it's hard not to blame yourself. Especially when it feels like that colleague's friends have been blaming you since it happened.





	Never Your Fault

It was Admiral Sanda who ordered Adam's fleet to face the Galra invasion. It was Sendak who killed them all in one fell swoop. But to Curtis, he may as well have been the one to cause the whole mess. It was his distress signal to Voltron that alerted Sendak, after all.

No one's said it to his face, of course, but he's seen the hard gazes on some Garrison staff and cadets now and then. How they pause before they respond to anything he says during meetings. How half of them avoid even speaking to him unless absolutely necessary.

Curtis has never put much stock in popularity or lack thereof, but Adam was quite well-liked among the Garrison. The cadets said he was their favorite teacher "even if he was a hardass," and other staff members describe him as easy to work with. Even Sanda had had some level of respect for him in the past, apparently.

And of course, Takashi Shirogane had loved him with all his heart.

He can handle the hard stares, the hesitation, the cold shoulder. But even if Adam and Captain Shirogane were no longer together at that point, maybe they could have been again if Adam had lived. At least the captain deserved to clear the air with him, maybe mend their friendship. And Curtis robbed them of that chance.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly as they visit the memorial. Captain Shirogane slowly looks towards him, offering a sad smile.

"You say that every time we come here," he says. "It wasn't your fault. Admiral Sanda sent his fleet to die against Sendak. She's the one who was working with the Galra the whole time."

"Because of my distress signal." Curtis shoves his hands in his pockets. "I should've been more careful, Captain. He was...a lot of people liked him. You loved him." The captain steps away from the wall, finding them both a bench to sit on.

"Even if you hadn't sent the signal, Sendak would've found his way to Earth anyway. The Galra had been planning this since before I left for the Kerberos mission." He reaches for Curtis's hand, but Curtis pulls away. He doesn't deserve comfort right now. He doesn't even have the right to be here beside the captain, he thinks.

"Even so." He closes his eyes. "I could've at least fought Sanda about Adam going out there. He and I were...not necessarily best friends, but we talked, we liked one another. He was a good man, and-"

"And she would have sent him out there anyway," the captain cuts him off. "She'd made her plans long before Voltron even came to Earth. And she's always been stubborn, you could never change her mind about anything and getting her to admit she was wrong was like squeezing blood from a turnip."

He knows the captain's right. Admiral Sanda was the most difficult person Curtis had ever known besides his old-fashioned, cranky grandfather.

"I'm being irrational," he says quietly, "but the way so many people stopped trusting me after Adam died...it's hard _not_ to feel responsible. And even if they didn't blame me, I can't help blaming myself. He...he didn't deserve that. Neither did you."

The captain puts a hand on his shoulder, and while Curtis tenses he doesn't back away this time.

"If anyone robbed me of a chance to resolve things with Adam, it was Sendak, and he's good and dead. Curtis, you did the right thing by sending that call, and if Adam were here he wouldn't want you to blame yourself either." He offers a small smile. "It's not your fault. It was never your fault."

Curtis relaxes a little, moving closer to him.

"Somehow hearing you say that makes me believe it. Even if I know everyone else is just going to keep treating me like Typhoid Curtis..." He can't help laughing, even as a few tears escape. "Maybe I'm being stupid again. But if the ex-lover of the beloved dead guy can forgive me, well..."

"Not forgiven. There's nothing _to_ forgive." The captain draws him closer. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." Curtis extends a hand. "Thanks, Captain."

"Call me Shiro."

Captain- _Shiro's_ warm hand closes around his, and Curtis's heart feels lighter than it has in months.


End file.
